All Apologies

John new the shitty streets of New York city all too well. He sold himself on the streets, and used most of the money for drugs. Unless of course he absolutely needed rent money. He usually went without food to feed his addiction. He and his roommate and best friend, Jeff Hardy.

John had dragged Jeff into his addiction. And now they were at rock bottom. They both worked the streets. The risks were high. John usually slept with clients for the small bag of white powder. As he walked home, he pulled his sleeves lower, hiding his track marks. It was cold and his jacket was thin. Not to mention he was shaking with withdrawal.

He walked up the steps of their rundown apartment building, and up the creaky stairs to their place. John opened the door, and saw Jeff sitting on their shabby couch. Their wasn't much in their small place. But John didn't care. He needed to survive, not live in luxury.

"Hey doll." He greeted him and smiled, holding up the bag of white powder. "I scored." He said brightly. He had bruises on him from the roughness of his client. But in John's mind, the drugs were worth it.

Jeff remembered the day he left the quiet of North Carolina and the warmth it offered. He had left to make his own way in life and with the support of his father and brother he had left. After months of being alone he was happy when he met his friend Johnny. They instantly clicked and had been by each others side from then on. Johnny showed him the fun side and brought him out of his shell. Sometimes though he wished Johnny had done so without introducing that white powder.

Standing on the cold street he wanted for someone to come by that was willing to pay. Pay for him or pay for the drugs he so craved. Finally a car pulled over but he knew it wasn't a customer. No he knew whom that car belonged to and knew it would be a long night when he got into that car. And he didn't have a choice.

~~~~

Staggering up the street to his shared apartment with Johnny he saw blood drip from his face. Where it was coming from he no longer knew nor cared. It seemed like forever before he dragged his body into the apartment. Jeff didn't have the will to pull himself to his room and hide from Johnny so he went to the couch. He sat right up and leaned back,relaxing his ribs. Every part of him were on fire. His head ached and the pounding increased when Johnny walked in loud. Johnny was always loud. Rolling his head to Johnny Jeff let him see the full bruises left on him as the went from his face and down his body,hidden by his shirt. "Why buy when you already owe?" Jeff asked softly

Johnny shrugged. "I needed a hit. Ran out of cigarettes to hold me over. A blowjob for a few ounces. Good enough for both of us. And what happened to you? Rough night again?" He asked and grabbed a facecloth, wetting it with warm water. He sat next to Jeff and carefully wiped the blood away.

"You really need to be more careful. You're not in the country anymore, darlin'." he chuckled, mimicking Jeff's adorable accent. John couldn't get enough of it. It was soothing and Jeff's voice always comforted John. He set the little bag in Jeff's lap.

"I can go get the needle and the water. And I think I have a lighter. You can go first. Ease the pain." He whispered, his voice always convincing. It's how he persuaded Jeff to try heroin. John was just too hard to resist.

He kissed Jeff's cheek when he finished cleaning him up. "Relaaax." He murmured.

For once that sweet voice Johnny used didn't work on Jeff. He pushed his hand away lightly and shook his head. "Needed a hit so bad you you can't afford that I get beat for it." Jeff was hurt,not just physically but also emotionally that his friend didn't care. He struggled for a moment to get himself off the couch but his body screamed in pain. Jeff fell back against the couch,readied himself and tried again.

"You truely don't get it do you?" For the first time Jeff realized he was sick of using and being used for a hit. "I was just almost beaten to death because of you!" He raised his voice,something he never did with Johnny but he was so upset he couldn't help himself. Shaking his head he limped away down the hallway to his room. It wasn't much except for what he came with. Without thinking he began to pack his things,he needed to get home. Away from this,back with his brother and father. Where he was safest.

John frowned when Jeff snapped at him. He didn't mean to get Jeff hurt. He never wanted that. He just wanted the drugs. He loved Jeff. The man was all he had in this town. John had no family to go to and his friends had either died from overdose, or disappeared thanks to their pimp.

He quickly followed Jeff when the man stood and went to his room. "Jeff... Jeff wait! You can't leave me..." He trailed off and ran a shaking hand through his hair, his heartbeat erratic. "I'm sorry you got hurt I just..." He thought of the drugs. "I can't help myself. I'm stupid and I messed up." He whimpered a little. "Jeff you can't leave me. I need you here, with me. Please." He implored, walking over to him. "It was supposed to be me and you versus this shitty town, remember? You can't go." He tried to put some steel in his voice, and failed slightly.