I Ain't Here For Trouble

Harris smiled but a frown soon came to his face, "I...I dunno when I'll have to leave again..."

"Oh." Adam said softly, not sure why that made him so sad.

Harris frowned, "It's...it's part of who I am..."

"Yeah i know." Adam said with a shrugged. He wasn't one to show his feelings a lot.

Harris had expected Adam to be upset but since he wasn't, he steeled himself. Paying for the meal he threw the money down on the table and stormed out.

Adam bit his lip hard and got up heading back to the clinc with Jay in tow. He'd learned long ago to hid his emtions sometimes even from his brother. But Jay always knew when something was wrong with his brother. Jay sighed when Adam locked himself in his room. He sighed and went to find Harris maybe to see if he could explain.

Harris was drinking at the usual bar he drank at, angry. He thought that Adam was cute and hearing that he practically didn't care hurt more than a lot of things had ever hurt.

Jay quickly found Harris. "Can we talk please?" He asked softly.

Harris looked at Jay out of the corner of his eye, taking another drink. "What?"

"Look i know your upset Addy wasn't upset but you got to understand bout Addy. Our dad screwed Addy up on a emotionel level. It fact i'm the only one he will show real emotions half the time. But you think he wasn't upset when you told him that you'd have to left, well your wrong Addy was sad. But he has trouble with showing it." Jay said softly.

Harris paused. He knew what it was like to screw up with your kids. He didn't know what to say. "Look...I'm not the kind of guy two sweethearts should be hangin' around..."

"Your the first person that Addy has even been interested in." Jay said softly.

"Look kid, I'm a god damn assassin. I kill people fer a livin'. And not just people who deserve it! I've killed women before too. Innocent women whose only crime was they got knocked up by a mob boss and the rival didn't like it to much!"

"We all do things we're not proud of, look at me Harris. I'm just a commen streetwalker that will let anyone use me for money." Jay said.

"I left my kids Jay. I have two of them, ones your age. Yeh do what you have to do in order t' survive. Me? I kill for the hell of it."

"But you a good person Harris i can see it." Jay said softly. "Addy can see it."

"Then dammit why don't I feel like a good person Jay!" Harris admitted, finally breaking down into tears.

Jay gave Harris a hug. "Because you don't know how."

Harris sobbed, "I ruin everything and...and yeh and yer brother are so nice t' me!"

"Everyone makes mistakes Carter and everyone deserves kindness." jay said softly.

Harris shook his head, "Yeh don't know all the sins I've done...hell...I don't realize how bad I've done until after the fact sometimes."

"You can't live with yourself till you forgive yourself." Jay said softly.

"I don't wanna live half the time," Harris admitted.

Jay nodded, "It would be easier if you'd let someone help you and care for you." Jay said softly.

Harris shook his head, "I ain't got no one. My wife's dead, my kids hate me, and I don't wanna trouble yeh and yer brother."